


Repercussions of the gem

by teaxtime



Category: Buffy the Vampire Slayer (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, F/F, F/M, Human Spike (BtVS), LGBTQ Themes, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-21
Updated: 2021-02-05
Packaged: 2021-03-12 23:53:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 11,919
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28893948
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/teaxtime/pseuds/teaxtime
Summary: The gem of amara has an unexpected reaction to being removed from the wearer.A newly human spike tries to survive college, dating, the hellmouth and a world he thought he knew.
Comments: 2
Kudos: 13





	1. The harsh light of day

**Author's Note:**

> Hello! This is my first fic ever, and I have no beta so please excuse my mistakes, I hope there are not too many.  
> I got this idea ages ago and just had to write it, spike is a favourite of mine if you couldn’t tell
> 
> Relationship wise I am unsure where this will go, I myself am a spuffy fan but I also love buffy and spike friendship. I guess we shall see!
> 
> ‘***’ is thoughts  
> “***” is speaking

Spike had the gem of amara snug on his finger, today was a good day indeed! With the lovely green gem he can do all sorts, go into the sun, and well basically do anything he pleases. After weeks of searching he finally found it! ‘And weeks of putting up with harmony, god that bint couldn’t have an interesting thought if her life depended on it, um her unlife.’

His goal was to find the slayer and kill her, which was easier said than done, most of his plans -well all of his plans- to kill buffy had gone completely wrong in every way possible. ‘Today is a new day and all that inspirational rot, with the gem it’s only a matter of making sure that the bitch doesn’t snatch the thing from me, after harmony went blabbing about the gem I’m pretty sure the slayer and her crew have figured out what it is, well maybe the watcher has’ 

Spike contemplated different ways of attacking her, he could go to her house, ‘I’m pretty sure the slayer moved into the dorms, only Joyce will be home’ or he could randomly turn up at her school and give her a bashing right in broad day light! ‘Christ the look on her face will be something to treasure for years! Ok that’s decided then, off to the college I trot.’  
————————————————————————  
Watching buffy get rejected by that lanky looking bloke was also another highlight to his day, “well, that was pathetic”.

Buffy immediately snapped her head in his direction, an expression of surprise on her face that he will savour for a long time, only to be faced with spikes fist coming straight for her face.

The blow was unexpected and buffy crumpled to the floor, “what a fantastic day, birds singing, squirrels making lots of rotten little squirrels, sun beamin down in a nice non-fatal way.” He smiled and looked down at a buffy that was recovering from that surprise punch.”it’s very exciting. Can’t wait to see if I freckle.” 

The slayer jumped up with a stake in hand and they began trading blows right on campus.’this is bloody brilliant!’ He thought just as buffy staked him, and much to her surprise, didn’t dust. “Oh do it again, it tickles, you know in a good way”.

“The gem.” Buffy muttered, looking down at spikes chest to where the fatal hit should of been. Her eyes were brought up to spikes hand as he displayed the gem, a ring with a green stone.

‘Slayer must of realised this fight is mine by now, especially after that failed staking attempt, god her face was priceless!’ He went into game face and growled, lunging at buffy.

Spike was having the time of his life, throwing the slayer around like a rag doll was very entertaining. “Getting tired slayer?” He asked as he threw her onto the glass top table, the glass shattering on impact and flying everywhere, buffy rolled onto the floor.

She got up and they continued the fight, the slayers boy came up behind him only to be thrown head first into a lamp post.”Xander!” Buffy shouted, rolling into a sitting position to face spike.

“So you let Parker take a poke eh? Didn’t seem like you knew each other that well, what exactly did it take to pry apart the slayers dimpled knees?” Spike spat maliciously, inching closer to a now standing buffy.

“You’re a pig, spike.”she responded, her eyes angry, clutching her arm.

Spike kicked her to the ground in response, “did he play the sensitive lad and get you to seduce him? That’s a good trick if the girl’s thick enough to buy it.” He put extra emphasis on the thick, really wanting to drive home her stupidity. Just because he’s evil like that.

Buffy retaliated by jumping at him, ‘looks like I struck a nerve there with blondie’. “I wonder what you did wrong,too strong? Did you bruise the boy?” He snorted. “Whatever, guess you’re not worth a second go.come to think of it someone told me as much. And who was that? Ooh yeah. Angel.” 

Now he knew she was beyond angry, and it was an amazing sight, the slayer all hurt and bruised on the floor gasping for breath, but suddenly she stood up and came running towards him, kicking him hard and the fight was back on.

She managed to wrangle his arm behind him.‘fuck, the only plan I had was DONT LET HER GET THE RING!’ He struggled as she pried open his hand, “you take that off and we both burn!” He lied trying to buy more time.

“Really? Let’s see.” Buffy pulled hard on the ring and it easily slid of his finger, but instead of the feeling of the sun burning his skin as the gems powers stopped protecting him, all spike felt was a burning in his chest.

And then his vision was blurring, the pain becoming more intense as a thumping sound overwhelmed his ear drums, his lungs wanted him to breathe, needed him to breathe, something he hadn’t felt in centuries. And then it was dark.

————————————————————————

When he came to things seemed off, he was in a bed that he didn’t remember getting in, and the world around him seemed.. less. Smells were different, and the only thing he could hear was the faint sound of talking from another room.

The room smelled of books and spices, it was what you would describe as homey. It did nothing to ease his confusion. ‘Where the bloody hell am I? What happened?’

His limbs felt heavy, there was an ache building in his head and a scratch in his throat, this was definitely not normal.he sat up to see a rather empty looking room, a window on his right open a crack, the blinds open and sunlight streaming through to the bed near where his hand rested.

Sunlight. He immediately jumped out of the bed only to realise his legs were not up to working as he fell to the ground. His arm landed in the sun. It didn’t burn.

There was no ring on his hand, the gem was not protecting him from the sun, panic was building and his chest hurt. ‘What’s happened to me?’. Slowly he put more of his body into the slither of sunlight. It felt warm, not burning, just warm.

His breathing was out of control, hyperventilating, and he realised that for the first time in a over a century he was scared. Terrified. The pain in his chest returned from earlier and his head started hurting even more, he crawled into the corner and curled up to try and ease the pain. It was too much.he couldn’t get this feeling to stop.

From then on his thoughts aren’t clear, he’s not sure how long he spent in the corner but when he calmed down he was greeted with the faces of the slayer and her friends.He could faintly hear them whispering to each other, obviously not wanting him to overhear.

“Is he crazy?” Said a masculine voice 

“Xander!” Exclaimed a feminine voice, “he’s not crazy, just distressed.”

“Giles I don’t like this! What if he’s faking this as a plan to kill us all?” Said someone that sounded very much like a certain slayer.

“If he was faking it wouldn’t he of killed us or said something by now?” Hissed an unfamiliar female voice.

The feeling in his chest was building again with his confusion, he tucked his head back down and tired to sort his thoughts and figure out what was happening.

“Everybody stop. I shall deal with this. You all go back to the sitting room, xander do not touch anything, I will explain what has happened to him. Give us some time, and do put the kettle on. I have a feeling tea will be needed.” Said another male voice, one he recognised as the watcher.

He listened to the pitter patter of footsteps as the others left the room and the creak of the door closing behind them. He looked up to see the watcher kneeling near him.

“What.. happened?” He asked, his throat hurt getting the words out, it felt too dry, he needed a drink. Blood flashed to his mind, and instead of the usual reaction of hunger, all he felt was nauseous.

“When buffy took the gem off of you, something unexpected happened, instead of you reverting back to being a vampire.. you changed into a human.” The watcher explained, “we are still looking into the specifics, if this wears off and other such questions. But for now you are a human.”

Human. ‘No, I can’t be human again, this can’t be happening! I spent my entire human life miserable and alone. I can’t do that again.’ His change into a vampire was the best thing to ever happen to him, and the years after were filled with.. oh god. They were filled with blood and murder.

His stomach dropped, that nauseous feeling returning full force. He killed people. Innocent people. Thousands of them. He tasted bile. ‘What have I done?’. He heaved and vomit hit the floor, just missing Giles’s shoes.’what the fuck have I done?’


	2. Tea and toast

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello! I hope you are enjoying this, I’m still trying to figure out which way I want this story to go. Thank you for reading and please excuse my mistakes.

Giles had been in many strange situations in his life, and this has to be one of the weirder ones. Currently he was kneeling in front of an ex vampire that seemed to be having some sort of emotional breakdown. Very peculiar indeed.

When buffy dragged an unconscious spike through his door and into his apartment his first thought was ‘why did you bring it home?’ Followed by ‘he didn’t need an invite’. Which lead to buffy explaining how she took the ring from him and he “folded like a lawn chair” were her exact words.

After laying him on the sofa and then confirming his humanity with a check of his pulse that he shouldn’t have, it was decided to leave him in the spare bedroom and sort this out when he woke up.

Now that spike is awake he realises it might not be that simple. Spike obviously has no clue as to what’s happening, and is more interested in sobbing in a corner than trying to talk to Giles.

With humanity came a soul, and with a soul came guilt. Centuries worth of guilt. Giles couldn’t help but feel sorry for him, it must be unbearable, especially with the recent change to human to process.

Believing there is nothing he could do Giles silently walked out of the room, and back to where everyone was in the living room.

“He has a soul doesn’t he.” Said Anya as she was skimming through a magazine.she didn’t look very bothered by the situation. Giles doesn’t think anything concerning someone that isn’t herself would bother Anya.

“Wait so he’s not human?” Asked xander clearly confused.

“No he is definitely human, and with humanity comes the soul he lost over a century ago. He’s currently feeling all the guilt of his past actions, it’s going to be some time until he’s.. ready to have an actual conversation with anyone.” Giles explained.

“Oh.. that’s not very good, it’s like oh hey! Have this humanity but also have this big old bag of over a century of bad things you have done.. right?” Said willow, she was huddled on the sofa, Giles realised she was concerned for spike.

“Yes willow that is indeed correct.” He said as he leaned against the desk and faced everyone. “We must do more research on the gem, it is critical that we find out if this is temporary or if the results are long lasting.”

“So until then.. no staking spike?” Buffy said with a frown. 

“I mean you could but it would be a bit more messy to clean up, he’s not gonna make with the dusty” joked xander.

“If this is permanent then we will have to think about rehabilitating spike, he is human and therefore cannot continue to live by demon means. We must not leave him alone, his emotions at the moment are unstable and quite frankly he is most likely to try and hurt himself.” Giles said to everyone.

“Why does he have to be a group project, why can’t you just do this yourself, it’s not like me and spike are all friendly” said buffy, her recent fight with spike making her less in favour of helping him.

“If you do not wish to help me buffy that is fine, I’m quite capable of doing this on my own.”said Giles.

“I can help! I mean if you want me to help that is, I’m an amazing helper.” Said willow cheerily.

“Thank you willow, it’s much appreciated.”he said giving willow a smile.

“Xander can we leave? I’m bored now and i want to go home and have sex.” Said Anya casually.

“I think that’s my queue to leave” said xander ushering Anya out of the apartment while whispering to her about what’s acceptable to say around his friends.

“Come on wills, we have some homework to think about doing while we go get coffee” buffy said as she got off of the sofa and stretched, making her way to the door.

“Ah yeah sure coffee sounds fun, ah Giles if u need me to be a helper you’ll give me a call right?” Willow asked as she slowly followed buffy, grabbing her bag and laptop.

“If I need you for whatever reason i will give you a call, and if you could continue to research the gem of amara that would be most helpful.” He said while going into the kitchen to set about making some tea.

“Sure thing! I can be helper researcher gal no problem! Bye Giles!” The red head said as she closed the door.

Without anyone talking the muffled sound of spikes sobs could be heard, less intense than before but still loud and painful. Giles distracted himself by boiling some water and making some toast, spike had been human for around a day now and had yet to eat or drink anything.

He placed the toast and tea on the coffee table, his plan to get spike out of the room and try and have a conversation with him.

Entering the spare bedroom spike was still in the corner, puddle of vomit next to him. He’d have to clean that up later. But he must ignore that now in favour of getting the man out of the corner and maybe getting through to him in some way.

“Spike.” Giles tried but with no got no response, only heavy breathing and the occasional whimper. 

“Spike!” He tried a bit louder this time, he didn’t want to scare him but at this rate he was never going to snap out of it. Sadly no response.

“William.” He tried tentatively.

That one got a reaction, spike looked up at him with red rimmed eyes and disheveled hair. “Would you like something to eat?” He asked gently. “And perhaps we could talk.”

Spike simply nods and tries not to look at the vomit puddle beside him, he follows Giles out of the spare bedroom and sits tensely on the sofa, staring at the tea in front of him.

“I hope it’s to your liking, I didn’t know how you take your tea.” Giles said to fill the seemingly never ending silence.

Spike didn’t answer, instead he picked up the cup and took a sip. “T’s fine.” He said, his hands cupping the warm ceramic cub.”do humans always feel this.. cold?” 

“Er I don’t think so, perhaps that is due to the time you spent on the floor.” Was Giles only conclusion. Spike just hummed in response.

“I made you some toast, it just has butter on it, you haven’t had anything to eat yet.” He said while indicating to the plate near spikes left hand.

Spike eyed the toast suspiciously, before putting the cup of tea down and picking up a slice. Giles went over to his bookshelf to get a book to perhaps ease the awkward lull in conversation and let spike eat without someone watching him.

Once spike was finished Giles put down his book and adjusted his glasses “you were asleep for along time, buffy brought you back here and we put you in the spare room, you slept away the night and morning.”

“Still feel tired though.” Spike muttered, his posture was tense, he seemed on edge all the time, or like he was about to burst into tears again. Either one.

“If you wish to return to the spare bedroom I will not prevent you, but first you might want to clean up the um..” 

“Sick puddle?” Said spike, his voice not at all its usual joking and snark.

“Yes.” 

“Right. Thanks, for the tea and toast it was right nice..” spike said as he slowly made his way to the spare room and closed the door.

Giles realised that his job of spike sitter is going to be a lot more difficult than anticipated. With a sigh he picked up the empty plate and cups before heading to the kitchen.

Well he didn’t have anything else to do, wasn’t like he had a job, and he’d been looking for something to waste time on recently. Better get those books open look into the gem more, maybe ask of willow has come across anything on her dread machine- computer yet.


	3. Look in the mirror, what do you see?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello! New chapter time, thank you for reading. I have a few solid ideas as to where I want this to go but things are still developing. I hope you enjoy this chapter!

Spike could feel his soul, it was like a massive hole in his chest, bleeding uncontrollably and radiating pain.Everything came back to the people he killed. Because it was part of his everyday life, just another thing that came with being a vampire.

He’s not a vampire anymore. He’s human. Breathing because he has to. Eating human food not because he just feels like it but because it’s now a necessity. 

He’s laying on the bed, gazing at the ceiling like it holds the answers to all his problems. It can’t stop the guilt that’s bubbling inside him, the self hatred and loathing. He hates himself. What he let himself become. 

The memories come as flashes, each one with a new victim, a girl in LA, she was wearing a purple dress and black heels going out for a drink with her friends.A man in Paris with his fiancé, their smiles so bright, both of them looking forward to the future. He killed them, he did it happily and with glee without a second thought. He realises he’s crying again.

This time it’s not heaving sobs with buckets of   
Hot tears and gut wrenching pain, it’s slow tears dripping down his cheek and a throb in his heart. It still hurts just as much.

What will he do in the future? How will he move on from this? Is there a way to move on from this? ‘So many questions so little answers’. If he’s human now that means he can die. That thought doesn’t make him mad, at this point he’d welcome it.

He understands why angel left them when he got his soul shoved back, being reminded of the damage you had done couldn’t of been a pleasant experience.

Thoughts about the future, his victims and death swirled in his mind and eventually he fell into the hold of sleep, not willingly, but he just wanted to escape.

————————————————————————

Days had past and all spike did was sit in the spare room, avoid mirrors and eat meals in silence with the watcher, never making eye contact. ‘I don’t want him looking at me like the filth I know I am.’

His only thing he hadn’t done yet as human was have a shower. That meant going into toilet and having to look into the mirror. He’d put it off for a few days but Giles had insisted that he have a shower, he probably smelled rather bad.

So here he stood naked, the shower running behind him as he waits for the water to heat up. He looks in the mirror.

His first reaction is ‘my eyes are really fucking blue’ immediately followed by ‘where has the scar on my eyebrow gone?’.

He’s taken pictures of himself over the years, Polaroids and what not. In every one of them he had the scar on his eyebrow from the first slayer in the boxer rebellion. Thinking about her makes his soul start to ache.

Upon further inspection he realises scars that he got later in his human life are not there, he’s younger than when he died. By about 4 or 5 years give or take going by the scars on his body. ’this is bloody weird’

Meaning his body is either 19 or 20. How did this happen? Wouldn’t he just be turned into a human? Why hasn’t his hair changed to brown like he had it back then? Nothing about this made any sense.

Staring into his own eyes made him uneasy, so he decided to get on with the shower. The feeling of hot water on is skin was fantastic, after years of not feeling the hot or cold it was definitely a good shock to the system.

His thoughts drifted to the past, like they always do, of killing a young man in a hotel somewhere in Rome, to him and dru burning down an orphanage because she wanted to “light the dolls on fire”. These were the things that plagued his dreams.

For the past four days he woke up sweating, his heart racing and tears in his eyes. Every night he relives what he did. 

But for now he lets the water soak into him, he tries to block out the memories and focus on the feeling on hot water cascading down his back.

The self proclaimed “scoobies” have been around the apartment everyday, and he has avoided them each time. He hears them talk about him.Heard buffy tell Giles to throw him out onto the street. Heard Xander say that he’s “nothing but a murderer” and “why should they try to help him when all he’s done is try and kill us”. He thinks both are valid. 

Red and the girl he doesn’t know were the only ones to not make any snide comments. In fact red came into the spare room and asked if he wanted to talk. He said no. Didn’t want to burden a sweet girl like her with his guilt.

After finishing up in the shower he goes back to the mirror, it’s blurry and fogged up but he can see the outline of his face and shoulders. He’s real. 

———————————————————————

He tells Giles about being in a younger body to the one he died in, and he asks him a series of questions. He doesn’t have the right answers apparently because he just goes over to his books. ‘Will I ever get answers as to why I’m like this’ he muses. ‘Or will I just have to accept it, not question it and deal with it like everything else.’ Spike reckons it will end up being the later.

Just over a week after he was turned human willow asks him if he wants to join the gang going to a Halloween party. 

“You don’t have to go but don’t you think it would be nice to get out of this place? Obviously if you don’t want to that’s fine” willow babbled.

“I would but, I don’t have any other clothes.” He said lamely, embarrassed at the fact that this was everything he had. One pair of black jeans and a black T-shirt. After almost how many years he had been roaming the earth?

“Oh right! If you want I’m sure we can go shopping, get a few things, and it will get you out of the house what do you say?” Willow asked, excited at the prospect of getting him out of the house.

So here he is, standing outside of the sunnydale mall with willow, apparently they are waiting for her boyfriend Oz, the wolf boy, to join them on this trip.

“I don’t have that much money on me so I’m not sure what I will be able to get.” Spike confesses, looking at his shoes.

“Hey don’t worry about it! I’m sure we’ll find some good things, especially with Oz, I’m not so sure about shopping for men so I thought hey! I have a man! I could bring him along!” She giggled and looked at spike, focusing on his face.

“Do I have something on my-“ Spike asked

“oh no nothing it’s just after Giles told us about the being younger thing I can’t help but realise that it’s true, you do look.. younger.” Willow admitted “but if you didn’t mention it I wouldn’t of noticed, not like you were old and wrinkly before- I mean you were/are old because vampire thing but then you had the never ageing aspect that comes with immortality and I should stop talking now.” Willow said, embarrassed that she went on for so long.

“Don’t fret about it, I don’t mind if you talk enough for the two of us.” Spike said, he was glad willow could talk, it meant he had to listen to her and not think about the things happening in his mind.

“So when did you say wolf boy would get here?” He asked, they had been waiting for a few minutes now and he was still not used to standing in the sun, to use a scooby term it “wigged him out”.

“Hey it’s Oz, and he’s gonna be here any minute now.” Sure enough just was willow said that Oz came from round the corner.

“Hey.” He said in greeting to spike as he went over and gave willow a kiss taking her hand.

“Hi.” Spike responded, giving Oz a nod of his head.

The day went surprisingly well, it was spikes first time out in the outside world with humans as a human. Willow and Oz were good company and they managed to get some good things. Everything was so much brighter during the day, and a lot brighter compared to the last time he was human.

Things had changed a lot, he realised that now he was once again part of society and not something on the outside. His Victorian upbringing had no use here, it wouldn’t prepare him for this world. He could either get on with this world or stay inside Giles’s apartment forever hiding away. As much as the second option appealed to him, he knew it wouldn’t last.

He’d have to make it on his own soon, abide by the laws, make a living for himself, fit into society. He failed abominably last time, never making friends, never going out to see the world, and he ended up getting killed by a vampire. But maybe this time will be different. Maybe he could make it. Maybe.


	4. Bunnies and chocolate

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry if this ones a bit short, I’m trying to make my chapters longer but this one just came out like this. But I hope you enjoy!

In the end spike decided to not go to the Halloween party, much to willows disappointment. The idea of being surrounded by people he didn’t know put him on edge, for once he actually cared what other people thought about him ‘what if I make a fool of myself? I haven’t had to be nice to people for years!’. Instead he ended up in the apartment alone, Giles had to go and rescue them from the Halloween party when Anya turned up asking for help.

Anya is also an ex demon, willow mentioned that she was a vengeance demon that got her power Whats it broken. She’s a lot older than him, but maybe he can ask her some questions sometime when the boy isn’t hanging around telling her off for not keeping her mouth shut. Or at least that’s what it looks like he’s doing. Demon girl deserves better than him.

Ever since the shopping trip with willow and Oz he keeps thinking about attempting to get out more. When he was out doing something it was a welcome distraction from himself, maybe he could ask Giles if he can do the shopping this week, or cooking, anything to stop thinking about -those- things.

Recently he realised that according to the world, he doesn’t exist. He has no birth certificate, no paper work, no nothing. He’d have to mention that to Giles. 

Buffy is the one person he hasn’t talked to once since his change. She looks at him like he just pissed in her cereal, or told her she’s a bad shag according to her ex while kicking her around the floor more accurately. He wants to tell her he’s sorry about it, but every time he goes over to her he gets interrupted or she just ignores him. It’s driving him up the bloody wall. 

Recently he started joining in on the meetings they held, sitting silently on the steps and simply just listening to their jokes and stories from the day. Willow was insistent that he tries to join in conversation, but he’s content sitting on the sidelines. It’s not like he has anything to say. ‘Oh what did you do today spike? Oh thanks for asking I sat in bed thinking about the countless people I slaughtered’. 

Buffy and Xander talk the most, Oz like him doesn’t say much but when he does they all listen, willow has the occasional babble and Anya simply interrupts with her input or a story from her demon days. Giles either gets involved or just listens. It’s certainly an interesting group.

He’s very shocked as to how this was the team that managed to take down countless nasties, including him, over the years. They often get distracted or side tracked by irrelevant things, or just don’t take the situation seriously at all.

No new information regarding the gem has surfaced despite hours of research being put in by Giles himself and willow, every book in Giles collection has been scowered for any reference to the gem and they had turned up empty handed, nothing but things they already knew had been found. He didn’t know if he even needed an answer anymore. It was a clear that whatever had happened it was permanent.

The door to the apartment creaked open and a rather tired looking Giles followed by the rest of the gang looking just as disheveled and in Halloween costumes came through to crowd around the sofa and eat all of Giles sweets.

“So what was the beastie this time?” Spike asked, feeling left out the loop. He went over to his place on the stairs to make more room for people on the sofa.

“A tiny little fear demon! Buffy squished it, no big.” Xander said while taking his third handful of candy from the bowl.

“Squish as in?” He mimed stamping on something.

“That would be correct! The buffster stomped on the little guy.” Xander answered.

“Some quality treats here, Giles.” Oz said over the noise of candy wrappers rustling.

“Please finish them” said the watcher, reading a book over at the desk.

“This is much better, there is no problem that cannot be solved by chocolate!” Buffy said cheerily. ‘I might have to test that theory’ spike thought, he went over and took a few for himself.

“I think I’m gonna barf.” Said red next to her, looking a bit queasy.

“Except that.” The blonde said, less cheery than before.

He looked at Anya in her bunny costume ‘that has to be related to something about her’ and saw that xander was staring at her with a questioning look.

“What?” Said Anya, she also noticed xanders staring.

“That’s your scary costume?” He said while gesturing her.

“Bunnies frighten me.” She said simply.

“They can be nasty little sods.” Spike said, agreeing with Anya to try and get into the conversation,but suddenly attention was drawn to Giles sitting over at the desk.

“Oh,Bloody hell the inscription.” Giles exclaimed, adjusting his glasses.

“What’s the matter?” The slayer asked.

“I should of translated the Gaelic inscription.” The watcher said while standing up to walk over to the rest of them. “Under the illustration of the gachnar.” He gave the book to buffy, willow peering over her shoulder to look at it.

“What’s it say?” Buffy said slightly confused. 

“Actual size.” Giles said. Buffy shrugged and closed the book. Everyone sat in silence.

It wasn’t long after when people started to leave, xander and Anya going back to xanders “dark and dingy basement” and the others going back to their dorms at the college, leaving him with Giles.

“Can I er ask you something?” Spike asked, Giles was putting his books back on the shelves and turned to look at him.

“Yes, of course, though I can’t say if my answer will be of any use.” The watcher said coming over to sit on the sofa.

“I was wonderin.. since I technically died years ago I don’t have any identification. I don’t exist in that sense.” Spike said,this is the most he had said to someone in days. ‘Simple things like getting sentences out are too tricky for you mate? God I’m pathetic.’ “So s’wondering if you could help me get some papers and what not, so I can get a job or my own place.” 

“Yes, i have also put some thought into that myself, I know some people who owe me favours, I’m sure I can arrange something to make it look like you have.. always existed. But in order to do that I will need names, your name and birthdates, things like that.” Giles said. “There’s also that issue surrounding your physical age, you look like a 19 year old. The reason why we are still looking into but keep that in mind.” 

“Thank you.” Spike said, and he did mean it. Things were starting to change, inside of him, some semblance of hope that with this new identity he could recreate himself. ‘Bollocks. How do I recreate myself when I haven’t got a bloody clue who I even am?’

After talking to Giles about names and dates, places of birth and any other information he would need to be able to make spike a real boy, spike went to the spare room. 

His duster lay on a chair, he hadn’t touched it since he became human. The way he got it, the people he killed wearing it, he wasn’t sure if he would ever be able to touch it again. ‘It’s just a coat. A coat that you ripped of the still warm body of a dead slayer that you killed for the sake of killing.’

He went to sleep that night with the sound of a subway carriage rattling, a young woman begging for her life, and the feel of a neck snapping under his hands.


	5. A day in town

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello there! I think this chapter is a bit longer than usual, I am trying to make them longer and I hope to really get some bigger chapters in as we go on. Thank you for reading!

A few days after talking to Giles about his identification issue the watcher walked up to him one afternoon holding a thick envelope. He put it on the table in front of spike.

“This should have everything you need, obviously I had to make a few things up for example where you went to school and what not but based on the information you gave me about your actual human life this should be accurate enough.” Giles said, polishing his glasses. ‘God that git is always cleaning his glasses.. speaking of glasses..’ spike had realised his human eye sight also transferred into this body meaning reading things for the past few days had been a challenge.

Spike took the envelope into his hands, and was amazed at what was inside. Papers upon papers of information. There was even a passport and bank details. “How did you managed to do this? All of these look.. so real.” He asked in amazement.

“It’s because they are real. Like I said, a few people owed me some favours.” Giles said.

“Must of been a bloody massive favour.” Spike muttered. He pulled out a piece of paper. His birth certificate. William Pratt born October 19th 1980. Making him just turned 19. ‘Bollocks. I’m underage. Can’t get a drink when I’m over a century old!’ He also realised his parents names, James Pratt and Anne Pratt, he didn’t remember telling the watcher this. “How did you get my parents names?” He asked somewhat suspiciously.

“After all the information you gave me about where you lived and where you went to school, I did my own digging and found more things.” Giles said. “What you should know is according to this timeline your father died when you were 13 and your mother when you were 18. You have no other family for obvious reasons.” 

Spike sat for a moment and soaked up this information. So he was a 19 year old in California, both parents apparently dead. ‘This is fucking insane.’ He searched through the papers and found school records, Giles must of found schools in the area where he said he lived, according to this he took English literature as an a level. Watcher must of found some sort of record of his past education. Sneaky man, needless to say spike will never cross his path -on purpose- this old guy has a scary amount of connections.

“I can’t thank you enough mate this s’just brilliant. M’scared to think about who owes you favours and how that came to be but, really thank you.” He said, eyes filled with sincerity.

“Oh please, do not worry about it, I’ve been meaning to cash in on that favour for years now.” Giles said with a smile. “I’ll leave you to go through these and learn some things about well yourself as it were.” He walked up the stairs into his room leaving spike in the living room surrounded by papers. This was going to be a long night.

After around thirty minutes he realised this was going to be very difficult, the combined tiredness and his already not so brilliant eye sight made reading almost impossible. If he wanted to actually read these he needed some glasses. ‘Oh god I’m going to look like a right wanker.’ 

————————————————————————

The next day he found himself at the espresso pump with.. Anya of all people. Apparently xander had gone off to do something with buffy and willow and she came to Giles’s apartment for something to do. That something was dragging spike along with her to get coffee while she ranted about xander. 

“And he never talks to me nicely it’s always “Anh stop talking about your sex life in front of my friends!” Or “Anya don’t talk about the many ways you eviscerated men in lots of detail while we are eating.” It’s like nothing I say pleases him! But why do I want to please him? I never want to please people!” She said rather loudly, he simply nodded, unsure as to what to say. 

“That new way you are wearing your hair is much better, makes you look more appealing, sexually that is.” She said while taking a sip of her latte. 

“Um. Thank you?” He said uncertainly. Recently instead of slicking his hair back he’s taken a more tousled approach. Giles doesn’t have any hair gel, and with his new human hair he doesn’t think the upkeep on the bleach could work, letting it grow out his natural colour.

“You should dye it all brown, then you won’t have weird two coloured hair. Unless you want to have weird two coloured hair which I myself wouldn’t ever be seen dead with.” Anya said with a smile.

“Yeah I’ll think about that, why exactly did you bring me here?” He asked

“For the last few days Willow has been telling us to talk to you more, she can be very irritating, I think it’s part of her make spike less socially awkward and depressed plan. So I thought i would. I mean I don’t have anything else to do.” She replied. “Buffy gets all angry and annoyed when willow tells her to talk to you, it’s rather funny like some sort of whiny cat that’s had it’s tail stepped on.” 

“How did you find the change from demon to human?” He asked, he needed to know how to deal with this and Anya was the only person that he could possibly relate to.

“Well for one there was the disgusting feeling that I’m mortal and killable! I spend over a thousand years as vengeance demon only to become some teenager that can’t even buy a drink!” She exclaimed, he could relate to that one. 

“Then there was the shock of bodily functions, having to go to the pee and not to mention menstruating for the first time in literally a thousand years. That is getting very annoying.” She said with a hint of distaste.

Spike had to agree, all of a sudden he had to actually take care of his body, being a vampire was a lot easier in terms of hygiene. 

Anya looked at the clock on the wall before getting out of her seat and saying “well xander will be back soon and I’m not going to miss vital sex time. Goodbye spike. It was pleasant to talk to you.” She picked up her bag before walking off, leaving spike alone.

Well that was certainly an interesting experience, Anya talking at him while drinking coffee. Nice to know red is concerned for him but that bird worries over everyone given the chance.

He got up and thought about his glasses issue, maybe he could find a shop around here. It’s worth a look.

As he was leaving the espresso pump he ran into a lady, “oh excuse me.” She said in a familiar voice.. it was Joyce. The slayers mum.

“Joyce?” He asked looking at her, she looked the same as always, neat hair and a warm smile. He always liked Joyce, she was kind to everyone ‘as long as you aren’t trying to kill her daughter.’

“Oh my, spike is that you? Are you evil or is that someone else? Should I be running and getting buffy?” She asked uncertainly, god the scoobies don’t keep her in the loop do they. 

“Oh no I’m not evil, actually human as of late.” He said and gestured up at the sun that was beaming down overhead.

“Oh. And how did that happen exactly?”She asked.

“It involves a gem and your daughter.” He said with a shrug. Not wanting to tell Joyce that he was actively trying to kill buffy at the time. “Did they not tell you about me?” 

“No, buffy hardly ever talks to me these days, which I get she’s got a lot on her plate. And when I do call her she never talks for long. But no one has mentioned you for quite some time.” Joyce said. He looked down to see she had two bags.

“Where are you off to then?” He asked.

“Just round the block to the gallery, had to pick up some things and lunch. I’m heading back now.. if you have nothing to do you could come have a look. I recently got some lovely landscape pieces.” He could tell Joyce must be getting lonely, choosing him of all people as company.

“Yeah would love to, sounds great.” Joyce lead the way to the gallery talking to him about some of the new pieces that have arrived, he listened intently walking next to her.

The gallery itself looked more or less what he was expecting, sculptures of all kinds of nature were dotted around the room, the walls had paintings and tapestries hung. Underneath each piece was a label with a name and price.

“There’s some lovely works here. That one in particular.” He points over to a seascape painting, a massive wave crashing into the beach, the colours deep and vibrant.

“Usually I prefer art from African cultures but yes that one is just so interesting, I really love the movement, it’s like the sea is alive.” Joyce agreed, coming over to stand near it. “So how long have you been human.” She asked, confusion clear in her voice.

“Well, over two weeks now. s’been.. difficult at times. Still not the foggiest as to how it happened.” He said quietly, still looking at the painting.

“Well I’m no expert but I’m sure things will get better as time goes on.” Joyce gave him a kind smile. 

After chatting with Joyce for a bit he excused himself and made his way back into town were all the shops were, and managed to find a place selling some reading glasses. He didn’t want anything expensive or fancy, just wanted to be able to read without a massive headache forming.

Eventually he got what he wanted and returned to Giles’s apartment, going straight to the spare bedroom. It’s not like he didn’t want to talk to Giles, well it was like that. All the talking with Anya and Joyce had drained him, he just wanted to collapse onto the bed and never get out again. ‘Getting exhausted from barely a day of social interaction, what a nancy.’ 

He sat on the bed and looked at the newly purchased glasses, they were cheap and bad quality, but would do for what he needed. For him glasses represented the years he spent as human, he was weak, awkward, and had ridiculous ideas of love. His peers tormented him and he was the butt of their jokes, and he didn’t do anything to stop it. He had no friends, no one wanted to be associated with him, so he spent his time reading or making terrible poetry with the hopes that one day he would come across someone who would fall deeply in love with him and his scribblings of beauty and elegance. 

He didn’t want to be that again, but he wasn’t sure who he was. How did angel have such drastic changes from being souled and non souled? He still felt like the same person only with a crushing guilt that was constantly gnawing on his insides. He wonders if angel knows about his change in status from undead to member of the living society. Frankly he doesn’t care. Though he would like to see the look on the gits face when he finds out. 

He put on the glasses and got to reading more of the papers Giles had so kindly supplied him. This man was not stingy with the details. It looked like he had lived an entire life in the last 19 years, when in reality all he had done was travel the globe killing people with his insane sire. ‘God that’s never not going to sound bat shit crazy.’

For a change he decided to cook tonight, Giles had gone shopping earlier that day, it was only fair since the watcher had been cooking everyday for the last two weeks. He decided to make spaghetti Bolognese, nothing too complicated as he didn’t have that much cooking experience. He liked the motions of following a recipe, focusing entirely on making sure he followed each step correctly. ‘This is bloody easy, maybe I should do this more often’.

The meal turned out better than he expected, and Giles was quite impressed. He thanked him again for the help he had given him over the last two weeks before going back to the spare room.

Tomorrow was another day. Another day where he had to put up with the flashes of innocent faces covered in blood. Another day where he had to pretend to know what he was doing here. But he would deal. He had to. ‘I have no other choice.’


	6. Beer is bad

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello! Here is today’s chapter, I don’t really have an update schedule I just post whenever I finish the chapter. I hope you enjoy :)

Just like every other day in sunnydale, something weird was happening. Spike was unsure of the details but something involving buffy ‘there’s a surprise’ and beer? He was trailing behind Xander and Giles as they quickly walked through the hallways of the dorms. He wasn’t sure why he decided to tag along, he just didn’t feel like being left alone in the apartment.

“I cut her off before the others so I don’t think she had as much to drink” explained xander.

“I can’t believe you served buffy that beer.” Said Giles rather exasperatedly.

“I didn’t know it was evil!” Said xander trying to defend himself. 

“You knew it was beer” Giles said.

“Well excuse me Mr. “I spent the ‘60s in an electric kool aid funky Satan groove”.” Xander said 

“It was the early ‘70s and you should know better” the watcher said in an annoyed tone. Spike didn’t feel like he could add anything to their squabbling, so he just stayed silent.

“I’m not the dad of her. Buffys a grown-up, intelligent enough to..” Xander stopped mid sentence as he opened the door to a disheveled looking slayer drawing on the walls. 

“Intelligent ey? Is that why she’s doodlin on the walls?” Spike whispered, not wanting buffy to overhear him since she was clearly not in her right mind. She started banging on the wall, the three of them simply watched in shock and mild concern.

“Parker bad.” She said, on the wall there was a poorly drawn figure that spike assumed to be that Parker bloke. 

“It’s fascinating really.” Giles said as they looked at buffy spinning in her chair while making the occasional grunting noise. She then fell off the chair with a thud, causing spike to let out a small laugh. It resulted in the wheelie chair being wheeled in his direction and hitting his shins. He stayed quiet after that.

After sending the chair in spikes direction buffy went over to her desk, slapping the TV screen with her hand and ranting about where the people went. Giles went over to her cautiously.

“The TV is off.” He tried to explain, saying each word slower than he normally would.

“Want! Want people!” Buffy demanded punctuating her words with banging on the small television.

“Well, she doesn’t appear to be in any immediate danger, maybe you should stay with her.” Giles reasoned as buffy walked up to xander and gave him a good stare. 

“Boy smell nice.” She said, taking deep sniffs of xander. Spike was officially wishing he stayed at the apartment and waited to hear about this the following day instead of having to watch it all happen first hand.

“Or perhaps she should be left alone” Giles said, changing his mind rather quickly. 

“Yeah I think we need to track down the fun boys somewhat pronto.” Xander said while trying to gently shove buffy off of his body. “Jack said the effects of the beer would wear off..” 

“Beer?!!” Buffy said, instantly coming to focus and pulling away from xander. “Buffy want beer.” She demanded.

“You can’t have beer.” Giles said in a scolding tone. Buffy turned to stare at Giles with almost feral eyes. 

“Want. Beer.” She commanded.

“Oi watcher, I don’t think making her angry is going to help us much” spike hissed, he didn’t want to be here. Dealing with an unhinged slayer was definitely not part of what he had in mind for today. ‘she could easily tear me to shreds now that I’m a human.’ But his musings were interrupted as buffy made a sudden grunting noise.

“Buffy strong.” She stated.

“Yes, buffy strong.” Giles agreed with her, unwillingly to anger her further.

“Buffy get beer.” She declared.

“Buffy get-“ Giles was cut off by being thrown back, the slayer making a runner out the door, he fell into some shelves with a crash.

“Giles!” Said xander.

“You alright mate?” Spike asked going over to the watcher.

“I’m fine. Just get her.” He said waving them off. But buffy had already disappeared. 

“Which way?” Asked xander.

“Check down there.” Giles said to spike and xander, gesturing down the hall. “We need to find her before someone gets hurt.” 

Spike followed xander down the hall, yet again regretting coming. He could of spent the evening watching telly but here he was running round campus shouting for buffy with xander of all people.

The slayer was standing around looking rather confused. “Can’t find the beer. Good. Freshman girl not able to hold the beer. Shouldn’t have it. Get into trouble” Xander said and tried to touch her to drag her with them but buffy had other ideas.

She jumped away from xander. “Hey hey! We’re good, remember the boy? Boy smell nice, yeah?” Spike honestly had no clue what to do so just watched xander try to get through to cave slayer. “Is there any part of buffy still in there?” Buffy ignored him and started sniffing the air. 

“Mate until the effects of this beer wear off you’ve got no chance of her understanding you.” Spike said, buffy looked up at something behind him as did xander, he turned around and saw what they saw. Smoke. “Bollocks.”

“Oh no.” Said xander.

“Fire bad.” Said the slayer before running in the direction of where the smoke was rising, they had no choice but to follow her, her slayer speed putting her in the lead.

Smoke was billowing out of the door, xander ran in without hesitation, spike stayed at the door, having to think about the pros and cons of running into a burning room. Before he could start on the pros xander ran back out, coughing violently.

“Where the hell is Giles?” He asked when he got his breath back. 

“How on earth would I know?” Said spike getting rather frustrated. 

Both of them ended up helping people out of the window, having called the authorities about the fire. A certain red head was dragged out coughing and spluttering. ‘Red! Thank god she’s ok!’ 

“Are you ok?” He asked her, she nodded.

“But buffy is still in there!” Willow said, very concerned for her friend. ‘Slayer can sort herself out, even if she’s lost a few brain cells.’

The night ended with him sitting on the bench facing away from everyone else. Buffy squatting on the bench next to willow.

“Buffy tired.” She said, the effects of the beer still to wear off.

Xander started ranting and spike zoned out. He just wasn’t in the mood for his complaints. Instead he looked over to where buffy and that lanky bloke from before were just in time to see buffy thwack him on his thick head with that stick. Wanker deserved it, using a girl like that. Glad to see buffy finally saw that he was a git and not the man of her dreams. 

————————————————————————

After that eventful night it was safe to say that he was a reluctant member of the gang. Great. ‘Whoopie I can’t wait to stop the forces of evil in a hunt for redemption. Who am I? Peaches?’  
He supposed that if he wanted to stay in sunnydale he had to help the scoobies, he was now officially on the good side after all. 

Surprisingly the thought didn’t make him cringe at all, he welcomed becoming a good person helping society and saving it from the evil that lurks in the dark. Well saving would be a lot easier with vampire strength and no human mortality but he would have to improvise.

He had a feeling that anyone who was friends with the scoobies would not live a normal life in sunnydale, with new big bads arriving at the hellmouth almost weekly it gave little time for normal life. ‘Great. I turn human just to have to fight demons, how do these lot manage knowing that any moment could be their last?’

His soul leaned in the direction that helping them was good, after all the carnage he had caused as a vampire he had to end suffering and make the world a safer place for humans that are unaware of the forces at work. But the logical part of him told him to leave sunnydale, find a normal town with little demon activity and try and live a life that didn’t end in potentially being killed by the nasty of the week. 

But he didn’t know what he wanted. He needed some tea, thinking too much wasn’t good for him, usually he just went into life blind without a second thought but he couldn’t be careless now. 

Giles had already retired for the night, but spike didn’t feel tired enough to even attempt going to sleep, so he sat on the sofa, the living room cloaked in darkness and the only light a dull blue glow coming from the TV.

It was times like this when he was alone and it was quiet, the only noise the buzz of the refrigerator and his own breathing, that he felt the reality of his situation. He reclined back on the sofa, his neck on the back of it so he could look up at the ceiling. All he saw was dark shadows. He was alone. 

Willow might be a friend but, would she still want to be friends with him if he told her all about his past? He reckons the answer would be a no. He can’t tell anyone about what he did over the years.But he’s desperate to find someone that will listen to him, talk to him, touch him gently and tell him things will be fine. 

He’s sweating now, thoughts racing, if the scoobies actually knew about any of the things he has done in detail they would throw him out. He’d have no one. His breathing was getting fast and that painful feeling in his chest returning. Blood and bodies, the sound of bones cracking in his hands, children screaming, fires burning, all these gruesome moments from his past playing like a movie in his mind to torment him.

He calmed down, taking deep breaths. He felt tired. Not just physically but mentally. Having to endure these harrowing images every hour of everyday was taking its toll on him. He shakily rose up from the sofa and went to his room, still taking deep breaths.

Spike didn’t bother getting under the duvet, he laid onto the bed and fell into a restless sleep, plagued with nightmares.There’s no rest for the wicked


	7. Wolf boy and little Red

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it’s been a bit longer than usual, for some reason this chapter took some more time! I hope you enjoy!

“The Bronze is more fun this year, isn’t it?”said Willow with a grin. He had been dragged to the Bronze and was currently sitting opposite Buffy who is giving him a very cold glare. ‘Safe to say the slayer has no warm feelings for me.’

“Cause of the gloating factor alone, you know? We’re all about college now. We’ve got heady discourse.” Said Buffy taking her ice glare away from Spike to talk to the others and ignore him. Not like he cared. He didn’t need her approval at all, in fact he couldn’t care less. It’s not like she’s the leader of their group or anything of the sort.

“Yeah curfew-free nights and mom and pop-less hootenanny.” Added Oz.

“Coed dating prospects who find townies sexy and dangerous.” Said Xander, not able to relate to the whole college life. 

“Oh! Spike you could come the UC Sunnydale! And then be a cool college kid like the rest of us!” Willow suggested, giving Spike a big smile. 

“Well I’m not sure, already done it the first time. Don’t know if I want a round two.” He said sheepishly not wanting to admit anything about his past human life.

“You went to college? Seriously?” Said Buffy, somewhat shocked. ‘Probably had me pinned down as an illiterate idiot.’ He thought. 

“I mean it’s been like a century or so since then, so maybe things have changed? Ooh you could make notes on the differences between then and now say which one you preferred. For example how hard the classes were or how much fun it was.. and I’m rambling about strange ideas again.” The usually shy red head said, all eyes drawn to her as she stopped her small ramble. Willow did have good ideas, but this had to be a more interesting one. He wasn’t sure about the whole college scene, it involved getting out of bed and being a productive member of society. Something he hadn’t quite got yet.

“Enough about college. I mean if it’s so good then what are we doing here and why is it more fun?” Buffy asked, wanting to think of something other than school.

“Because the Bronze is nice and familiar, like a big comfy blanky.” Willow said.

“I was under the impression that I was your big comfy blanky.” Oz said. ‘Those two are sweet. Wolf boy is perfect for little red,glad to see someone in this group has a stable love life.’ Spike thought as he looked at interaction happening next to him.

He hadn’t put much thought into love yet, still trying to shake off the feeling of self hatred he carries with him everyday. Over the many years he thought Drusilla would be his one and only lover, his wicked plum, dark and mysterious and so chillingly beautiful. But now when he thinks of her he feels sick. He can’t think of her face without it being stained crimson from the blood of victims, her delicate dresses splashed with red. Dru is a monster, and she made him one too. He will never forgive her for that.

He saw someone moving towards them and turned to see.. Giles? At the Bronze? ‘Poor git must be getting bored.’ 

“Hello all.” He said seeming rather out of place in a room filled with teens and young adults.

“Giles, trouble?” Buffy asked

“Oh no no, don’t get up. No nothing like that. I just thought I’d um drop by, latte anyone on me?” Everybody looked at Giles with a confused face, apart from spike who gave the man a somewhat concerned look as he walked away from the table.

“So much for your predictable blanky theory, will.” Buffy whispered as Giles came over to sit next to Xander.

“Well it’s ages since I’ve been to a gig.” Giles said, Spike simply smiled and took a sip of his drink that Willow so kindly got him, sadly it was of the non alcoholic variety.

Fed up with everyone giving him weird stares Giles said “don’t look that way. I’m-I’m down with the new music. And I have the albums to prove it.”

“Watcher here does have a rather decent collection.” Spike said, feeling sorry for Giles.

“Yeah, I’ve seen it too, he was an animal in his day.” Oz added.

“Thank you.” Giles said still feeling rather insulted at the groups reaction to him being at the Bronze.

“Hey.. why not? If the stones can still keep rolling, why can’t Giles?” Buffy said.

“Exactly. I think it’s brave that you’re here.” Willow said enthusiastically, and something in Spikes mind told him that was not the right choice of words.

“Well thank you all. You’ve made me feel right at home.” Giles said rather sarcastically.

“Well, isn’t home that place you’re trying to escape?” Xander asked.

Before anyone could comment on that, their attention shifted to the band up on stage, the girl singing was good but not really Spikes cup of tea. 

“Oh yeah. Veruca’s playing tonight.” Willow said.

“Yeah. Every Wednesday. I told you.” Said Oz, Willow simply smiled in response. 

Spike noticed from that point onwards Oz looked rather.. distracted. Willow looked rather sad all of a sudden, the cheeriness from earlier replaced with a more blank expression. Maybe he would ask about it. Or not. What would a good friend do? ‘Christ I’m shit at this.’

The night continued, some of them got up to dance leaving Giles and Spike sitting alone at the table. “So what brought you here tonight then?” Spike asked.

“To be quite honest I just felt it might be good to get out of the house.” Giles responded. 

“But here of all places?” He said as Giles looked at where Buffy and Xander were dancing enthusiastically. Willow and Oz were more relaxed. 

“I knew I would find them here.” Was all Giles said. Spike decided to leave it. 

————————————————————————

Spike woke early, which wasn’t unusual.His sleep schedule had been thrown out of the window and he often found himself waking up at random times during the night. He could never get back to sleep.

Giles wouldn’t wake for another hour or so, his movements around the apartment were gentle as to not make noise to wake the other man, he put the kettle on and leant back against the counter in the kitchen.

He was thinking about what Willow said at the Bronze about going to college. If he wanted to get good jobs in the future it might not be a bad idea. ‘Having to think about jobs, the future and school of all things is just bizarre.’

Maybe he should ask Giles. ‘Or maybe you could do something for yourself for once, prove that you don’t need him there guiding your useless arse everywhere.’ 

He’d have to talk to Willow about what UC Sunnydale has to offer. No way in hell was he going to discuss college options with The slayer. 

Willow had been a good friend to him in these last few weeks, always inviting him to their outings, most of which he did decline. But sometimes he did join them at the Bronze for a change of scenery, he often left earlier than the others.

He couldn’t stand being around Buffy. It wasn’t her being the slayer or the mean comments, it was the fact that she had never talked to him directly. Always making snide comments about him being here but never talking to him as a person. It made him feel unwelcome. She clearly didn’t want him around and only put up with him for Willows sake.

Xander wasn’t that bad, he was starting to feel the boy was shedding his hatred for him, slowly of course, he hopes one day they can be in the same room without some reference to him being a former undead. 

————————————————————————

Giles was watching the telly, Spike was reading on the sofa, every now and then he would take a browse through Giles’s vast collection of books and pick out something to read. That’s of course when passions was not on. 

He could hear Giles muttering at the show he was watching, then a light knock on the door stopped his reading. Giles got up and opened the door which had Buffy standing behind it. Oh joy.

“Buffy excellent. Uh come in.” Giles said, stepping aside to let her in. Spike looked up and saw she was wearing a floaty summer dress, she looked so normal, you would never guess this girl goes out and kills every night.

“Can I get you anything? Um, tea?. I made a very interesting um, moussaka last night. If you’re hungry.” Giles asked her.

“Pass on the tea, and the moose thing” Buffy replied.

Spike went back to reading, he clearly didn’t need to be involved in this, but he couldn’t help but listen in every now and then. Huh. Something about werewolves. ‘Hope wolf boy is doing ok.’

About an hour passed before another knock sounded throughout the apartment, Giles was out, so Spike went over to open the door. Willow was standing there looking somewhat glum.

“Uh.. watcher s’out if you wanted to talk with him..” he said but was quickly interrupted.

“Oh no I’m not here to speak with Giles I ah actually wanted to do talkage with you.” She said “could we go on a walk?” She asked with a smile.

They were walking around the park, making small talk, until they came across a bench and Willow took a seat. He sat next to her.

“I already kinda asked Xander about this but I wanted a second opinion so ah..” she paused, unsure of what to say next.

“Hey, if you asked Xander about it I can probably answer it too.” He said, giving her a small smile to reassure her.

“It’s just recently with Oz he just isn’t as interested in me as he usually is. If you catch my drift.” She said with a slight blush to her cheeks. “And I realise he has been paying attention to a certain someone and that certain someone has been all with the reciprocating of the attention.” 

“Would that certain someone be by any chance that girl from the Bronze the other night?” He asked gently.

“Yeah.” She admitted.

“Have you.. asked him about it?” Spike hedged, unsure as to how to go about this situation. He had never given any advice before.

“I think thats what I should do, clear the air.” She said “Xander said something similar, guess I should actually talk to Oz then.” 

“Wait before you go, could I talk to you about..” he paused ‘how do I do this without sounding like an idiot?’ “About college?”

“Yes yes! A thousand times yes! Anything college related I’m the gal to ask! Ask away!” She said giggling. 

“Did some thinking about what you said and realised.. it might be worth a try.” He said looking anywhere but her, why was this so hard for him to say?

“You can probably start next semester, I think it might be too late for dorms but I can’t really picture you wanting to live with a random person, oh this is just fantastic!” She squealed. Trust Willow to get excited over the prospect of another study buddy. 

“So what classes do you wanna take?”

————————————————————————

Talking to Willow was good, as he walked back to Giles’ he couldn’t help but think maybe it was time to find his own place, sure GIles wasn’t a bad roommate, he just wanted to be actually alone for once.

Like college and so many other things it was another thing to add to Spikes mental list of ‘things to think about’. That list was starting to get very long.

Buffy came by the next day and started talking to Giles about some people in the woods, and then went into some details about what happened with Willow and Oz. Shit. ‘Guess things went south with that, poor Red.’

“Giles, I’ve never seen her like this.” Buffy admitted. Spike began to feel the need to see if Willow was ok, ‘that’s what friends do innit?’

He guessed for now Willow would probably want to be left alone, or maybe not. Human emotions were confusing, he was always unsure of what to do. 

A few seconds after Buffy left he realised he wanted to talk to her, he opened the door and went after her.

“Buffy” he shouted to her as she walked away, she paused and turned.

“Spike. What do you want?” She asked, her sympathetic tone from when she was talking with Giles about Willow gone, in its place a cold cutting voice.

“I wanted to say I’m sorry.” He said sincerely.

“Sorry?” She asked sounding rather annoyed, she looked like she was about to turn back around and start walking.

“About the.. things I said with the gem and trying to kill you a few times..” he said with a sigh.

She didn’t respond, simply gave him a curious glance before turning back around and walking. Well. ‘Could of gone a hell of a lot worse, or a lot better...’

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading, if you have any ideas of where to go with this fic please tell me! I need some more inspiration.
> 
> If you see any mistakes that you would like to point out feel free, I am new to writing so I want all the advice possible.


End file.
